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Jordan B. Peterson's Carnivore Diet Saved My Life

The Carnivore diet by Jordan Peterson and his gym bunny daughter will change your life. You will go from tired and lethargic to energetic and frenetic. You will constantly be checking exits to every room you enter, your heart rate will remain high and full of life, and sweat will pour out of your pores.

The Carnivore diet solved my depression, and I say that as a doctor with a PHD and a lifetime of lethargy behind me. I used to wake up at 3 PM asking where the day went, now I go to sleep at 11:30 PM and I'm up at 2 AM wandering the streets, darting from street to street, peering through windows and breaking into unlocked cars to steal change and baseball caps. I'm on the prowl now, I feel so alive.

There's a look in my eyes now that screams predator. You can see the whites of my eyes tinged with a slight red halo, as my vascularity has increased at least sevenfold over the past few months. Women will stop and stare at my veins now, some children have even screamed or started whimpering until their cries turn into horrified screams. I look like a beast and feel like a god among the carbohydrate-poisoned masses.

I eat protein, I drink water and black coffee, and I smell like sweat. This is what being alive is. This is what happens after you clean your room and order your life, when the facts don't need to care about your feelings anymore. I'm essentially an apex predator, reason and logic are my weapons and none dare cross me. The photomat booth that I work in is my warzone, and the customers are now impressed by me. No longer am I one of the drooling masses, but rather I am become a modern T-Rex with longer arms. This is living.

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